Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
