Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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