Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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