Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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