you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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