Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
