We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
