my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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