my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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