Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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