There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
