i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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