I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
