careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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