I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
