I will die if light touches me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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