Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
