I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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