Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
