I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
