That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
