I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
