I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
