His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
