She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
