I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
