It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
