i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
