he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
