I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
