so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
