in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
