I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
