This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
