She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
