i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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