You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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