Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
