maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
