got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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