i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
