Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
