New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
