Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
