Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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