So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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