Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
