Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So many bounce houses so little time
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
