Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
