We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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